At this post we would like to share with you our favorite jokes from all over the world. There is no any national or religious dislike, most can you buy prescription drugs online without a prescription of the jokes about Jews belongs to the Jews and the same with all other jokes. Just read it and feel the whole picture of our great home - Earth!

1.  Drink my Poison

Here’s this guy sitting at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man crying.”

“No, it’s not that. This is the worst day of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I’m late to my office. My boss, outraged, fires me. When I leave the building, to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there but the cab had already driven away. I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I’m thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison . . .”

2. Spread the Stupidity

Only in Canada…..do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Canada…..do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in Canada…do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Canada…..do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in Canada …..do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in Canada……do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

3. Looking to buy a frog?

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?” The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, “If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?” The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat’s music.

While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. “Sorry,” the man replies, “he’s not for sale.” The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. “No,” he insists, “he’s not for sale.” The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

“Are you insane?” the bartender demanded. “That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!” “Don’t worry about it.” the man answered. “The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat’s a ventriloquist.”

4. You looked a lot like my wife

A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.”

“Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!” she screamed.

“Funny,” he muttered, “you even sound exactly like her.”

5. A Scot is the only man on earth who would step over the bodies of a dozen bronzed naked beauties just to get to a glass of whiskey.

6. A Scotsman walking through a field, sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand.
The Scotsman man shouts ‘ Awa ye feel hoor thatвs full Oв coos Sharn’
(Don’t drink the water, it’s full of cow s ** t.)
The man shouts back ‘I’m English, Speak English, I don’t understand you’.
The Scotsman man shouts back ‘Use both hands, you’ll get more in.’

7. Dangerous Work

FILM MAN: ‘Are you sure you want to work in films?’
ANN: Yes, I am.’
FILM MAN: ‘It’s dangerous work sometimes. You are likely to have to fall down a stairs or be thrown out of a window.’
ANN: ‘I don’t mind that, I was married to a Kerrvman for five years.’

8. The Bosnian Kid

A British Soldier, whilst on patrol in Bosnia, happens upon a young
lad kicking around a spent shell case with not inconsiderable skill.
The two end up chatting and the soldier says, “Would you like to play
football in England? A great friend of mine knows Alex Ferguson, the
man in charge of the top England team. He could help you.”

The boy appears very keen and so, when the soldier returns home, he
asks his friend. Well, it turns out that Alex Ferguson is interested
and so the young lad is brought over. He starts off in the Junior
team, but is so good, he gets steadily promoted until he’s on the
substitute bench for the main team at the FA Cup final. The game
reaches half-time and the score is 2-2. “All right”, says Ferguson.
“Let’s see what you can do”. On to the pitch he goes. The lad scores
three fantastic goals and the team have a glorious victory.

Afterwards, the lad goes to a phone to call his Dad. “Dad,” he says,
“we won the FA Cup final! I scored three goals!!”

His Dad is non-plussed and replies, “Don’t you give me that! Back
here, we’re going through Hell! Your mother went out for bread this
morning and hasn’t been seen since. Your sister was raped last night
and your brother was beaten up in the street on his way back from
school!”

“But Dad,” complains the youth, “you can’t blame me for that!”

“Well,” said his father, “you made us come to Manchester!”

9. Mark twain said:

“France has neither winter nor summer nor morals.
Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.
France has usually been governed by prostitutes.”

10. First Things First

A doctor was detained by the furious relatives of a patient he had killed with the wrong prescription, but he escaped by night and swam across a wide river to reach home. When he saw his son studying medical texts, he said, “Don’t be in such a hurry to study medicine. First things first. And first, learn to swim.”

11. Little Johnny came to the school for first time.
- Children, you’re in the school now. You should keep silence in the class. If you want to ask something, raise your hand.
Johnny raises his hand.
- What do you want to ask?
- No, thanks. Just checking the system.

12. Small worm asks his mother:
- Mom, where is dad?
- He’s fishing with the guys.

13. I can not sleep well because of this global financial crisis

- I can not sleep well because of this global financial crisis!
- Well, I sleep like a baby!
- Really?
- Yes, I wake up each hour and cry!

14. Am I frozen?

Jewish mother goes out to the balcony and cries to her son who is playing in the yard:
- David! Go home!
The son raises his head and cries:
- Am I frozen?
- No. You want to eat!

15. Pope dies and comes to heaven. Peter meets him at the gates, checks through his list and doesn’t let him in.
- But why? I am the anointed, Lord’s deputy on the Earth and so on!
- Really? Wait a bit..
Peter comes to God and tells him about the man who calls himself his deputy.
- I know nothing about it, - God replies, maybe Jesus knows anything?
- No, says Jesus, but let me talk to this man.
Ten minutes later he comes back laughing.
- Can you imagine? Two thousand years ago I founded fishing hobby group. It is still working!

16. Grapes of Wrath
A magistrate asked his court clerk how he got the scratches on his face. The embarrassed clerk said, “Last night, I was walking in the yard, taking in the cool night air, when a grape trellis fell on me and scratched my face.”
The magistrate declared, “Only a wife could do this. Have her brought here this instant.”
But the magistrate’s own wife had been hiding in the next room, and hearing this she stormed into the court. The terrified magistrate shouted, “Court’s in recess! Clear the court! My own trellis is coming down!”

17. Little known facts……..

A long time ago, Britain and France were at war.
During one battle, the French captured an English Major.
Taking the Major to their  headquarters, the French
General began to question him.

The French General asked, “Why do you English Officers all wear red coats?
Don’t you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?”

In his bland English way, the Major informed the General that the reason English
Officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot, the blood won’t show and
the men they are leading won’t panic.

And that is why from that day until now all French Army Officers wear brown pants.

18. The Pope and the Queen

The Pope and the Queen of England are on the same stage in front of a
huge crowd. Her Majesty and His Holiness, however, have seen it all
before.

To make it a little more interesting, the Queen says to the Pope, “Did
you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every
English person in the crowd go wild?” He doubts it, so she shows him.

Sure enough, the royal-gloved wave elicits rapture and cheering from
every English person in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering subsides.

The Pope, not wanting to be outdone by someone wearing a frock and hat
worse than his, considers what he could do. “Your Majesty, that was
impressive. But did you know that with just one little wave of MY hand
I can make every Irish person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy
will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will
go deep into their hearts, and they will forever speak of this day and
rejoice.”

The Queen seriously doubts this, and says so. “One little wave of your
hand and all Irish people will rejoice forever? Show me.”

So, the Pope slapped her.

19. Rejuvenating pills

What of Jim Farrell who found riches in America and sent home a newly discovered rejuvenating drug, guaranteed to take years off a person’s age?

Try a course of these, mother,’ he wrote. Till be home in six months - I can’t wait to see the change in you.’

Six months came and went and Jim arrived at Dublin. Through the waiting throng at the airport came a stunning blonde girl pushing a pram. ‘Jim, don’t you recognise me? I’m your mother. I took one of the pills and look at me!’

‘In the name of heaven,’ said Jim, ‘what’s that in the pram?’

‘Ach, that’s your father, he took two pills!’